Be Without You

My guy is away for a family matter. Like out of the country and its killing me. I never realized how selfish I am because he said two weeks and that should be enough but it's not. I want to be able to hear his voice and make sure hes okay. We can go two weeks without seeing one another sometimes because of work and busy schedules but at least I could call. I feel like I'm being tortured  because I cant stop missing him but there is nothing I can do about it but wait. It makes me wonder why is it so hard for me? He has to know that I'm over here going crazy. 

I had a great week hanging with my home girls partying and celebrating my daughter. It was very fulfilling, but I cant party every night just to distract my brain from wondering. Smh, I think I have 4 more days until he's back. I wish I could pretend that I didn't break a sweat but it would be a lie. He is someone that I don't want to be without. I guess that's the answer to my question. Its hard for me to relax while he's away because not talking to/seeing him feels to much like my fear of having to be without him. 

I Heart Writing

The first poem I ever wrote was in elementary school. I was in my after school program and made a poem about love. My counselors loved it and showed everyone. Even though I forgot my words I will never forget the feeling of my thoughts being received well and praised. 

In high school I had a language arts teacher who gave us a weekly assignment to write in a journal every week. There were no rules. She wasn't concerned with grammar, we were just encouraged to share. It was cool for me, I really enjoyed that part of her class. Sometimes she would reply to the things I wrote. I became comfortable with writing my thoughts and anytime I had a writing assignment I felt confident that I will do well.

In college I wrote a paper that my professor gave me an A+ and wanted to submit it to the school paper but I declined because It made me nervous. I wrote about the word Nigga and the difference in whats meant when you use it from my perspective. I wonder what would have come from sharing that piece. Looking back writing has always been special to me and I wish i would have stuck with it. It's been a struggle to get back on track.

These days my only writing has been via text message when I'm upset with my boyfriend. Our on going joke is that he thinks I have enough material to write a novel at this point. My plan is to work on improving my writing and sharing my art in a more productive way. I'm seriously considering taking a creative writing class to help me get on track.

Thinking Out Loud

I feel like I'm on a quest for self discovery and I'm looking for that ahh haa moment that Oprah always talk about. I know I am better than my current position in life and I need to do better. At my core I'm a regular girl from the Bronx but I cant settle for just getting by.

Its more than not wanting the title or stigma of being poor. It's the lifestyle of having the opportunity to experience life in ways that will encourage you to be creative and explore. Of course I want the glam of having labels in my closet, driving nice cars and living in a beautiful home. Yet, I have a driving need for the opportunity to be inspired and turning it into something that will inspire others. 

I've gotten to the point where I'm done sitting around waiting for it to come to me. I'm going to put my self out there to find it. I'm looking forward to indulging in the things that I find interesting and not being afraid to let my voice be heard.